Do you recognize self-destructive patterns in your choice of partners? The brain loves the familiar because it keeps us safe. At times, people hold on for dear life rather than make a change. This is often clear in abuse situations. When an abused child is being removed from the offenders, he hangs on to what he knows.
Are you holding on to the familiar in a destructive situation? Have you picked the wrong partners based on what is familiar?
List behaviors that you want in a partner. Make your boundaries and expectations clear. Honor the standards of the other. Over time, if someone does not heed your boundaries and the relationship is destructive, you may be e-playing familiar dramas.
Disappointment is a powerful teacher. It shows us the ways we are stuck in our limited egos and helps us open up to a deeper experience in life and love. Begin to consider the following questions:
• Am I able to use disappointments to help me open my life to spirit and love?
• Does disappointment make me bitter or better?
• How can I learn to live more in the present moment, learn my lessons from disappointments, and move on?
• How do I keep myself stuck in self-destructive patterns and how can I choose a path toward enlightenment and fulfillment?
Love is not mean or egotistical...love brings happiness and fulfillment to us despite hard times. If you have been hurt by past destructiveness, work on letting go of bitterness and embracing better ways to love and be loved. Learn from your mistakes. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
"Love is nature's second sun" (proverb from Holland).
Dr. Linda Miles, is a highly regarded psychotherapist with over 30 years experience. Her book The New Marriage, Transcending the Happily Ever After Myth was a finalist for the Foreward Book of the Year Award. She has written many articles for professionals and published in national magazines such as Parents and Entrepreneur.
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